some words from Papa Haydn

It has taken me three days to be at peace with Wednesday's recital. Most importantly, it took two of my friends telling me what it meant to them. One of them said that by attending the recital, she felt like she had been on Retreat. The other told me that it was great to hear this music in the middle of a stressful day.

In my normal duties, I am not much concerned with the effect of my music on others. It is part of the church's Liturgy, and most decidedly not entertainment. My principal concern is that it support the Lessons and thus assist in telling the Story so that others might believe, or be strengthened in their faith. The music does not occur in a vacuum; it must always be music for these people, this place, this day, and thus it must be at least comprehensible to those who hear it. Still, I do not much care whether anyone likes it or not. I do very much hope that it pleases Him whom I serve, but that is another matter.

Thus, I forget that support of the Liturgy is only part of the function of Music. There is another part, and it is equally important, equally a part of the work of God through us in the world. Joseph Haydn expressed it thus:

Often, when contending with obstacles of every sort that interfered with my work, often when my powers of both body and mind were failing and I felt it a hard matter to persevere in the course I had entered on, a secret feeling within me whispered: "There are but few contented and happy men here below: grief and care prevail everywhere; perhaps your labors may one day be the source from which the weary and worn, or the man burdened with affairs, may derive a few moments' rest and refreshment." What a powerful motive for pressing onward!

I am honored that I could be the vehicle for "a few moments' rest and refreshment" for people who needed it. This is the musician's equivalent to offering a cup of cold water to a wayfarer (cf. St. Matthew 10:42).

On reflection, I think that I played fairly well. There were some missed notes (there are always missed notes), and I was probably too slow in the first movement. But I think that I played the second and third movements well, and perhaps the fourth, and I believe that my registration scheme was good.

We shall see what tomorrow brings. It is that day which I have dreaded, even more than the Easter Triduum and the recital -- can I play acceptably for the Eucharist and Choral Evensong tomorrow? I did two careful full Workouts on all the music for these services in the week leading up to Palm Sunday, and did not touch any of it again until yesterday. If this works, it may help me to have more trust in my practice methods.